Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
