508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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