oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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