you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
