That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just want nice things and good sex
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
