why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
not ubering you a puppy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
