I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
