I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
