just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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