Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
