Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
