Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
