I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
