My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
