apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
