He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
