How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
