I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
