I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
