stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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