so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
