tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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