Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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