hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
