oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize