Your mouth is God's brothel.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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