Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
