4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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