and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
