He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
