I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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