Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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