So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize