i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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