Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
