I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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