I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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