there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
what day is it and did you see me today?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
