Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize