break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
