He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
