Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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