Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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