Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
