tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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