You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
