Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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