Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
nutella sex= disaster
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
