A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
