Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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