I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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