i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
