i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
