great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's always time for handjobs
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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