I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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