i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You're like the curious george of whores
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
