i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
