My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
