I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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