We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
