Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
