Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
