Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
