is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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