i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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