Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize