the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
