Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
